Sometimes

Sometimes it creeps up on you,
You never see it coming.
Sometimes all they did was ask,
It sets your mind off running.

Sometimes it's a freight train
And you're stuck there on the track.
Sometimes it's a leap of faith,
But then you can't turn back.

Sometimes it fills a part of you,
You didn't know was there,
Sometimes it becomes so right,
To lose it you couldn't bare.

Sometimes it seems a guarantee,
You'll end up losing out,
Sometimes the odds seem impossible,
But you've got to just find out.

Sometimes it seems ridiculous,
Rationality says just don't.
Sometimes you need to follow your head,
But I know in my heart I won't.

Sometimes it's just beautiful,
Makes everything worthwhile.
I turn my back and close my eyes,
And 'til the train hits, smile.

What if...

What if I told you I never let on how much to me you meant?
What if I always seem to melt at your sight, your taste, your scent?
What if the impact you had on me was greater than you knew?
What if my greatest hope of late was the chance you felt this too?
What if you knew how happy I became, spending time together?
What if I said how terrified I was of losing you forever?
What if I made some stupid mistake? Where did I go wrong?
What if all I lacked was just the courage to be strong?
What if I saw something in your eyes, what if it were real?
What if instead of cryptic clues you tell me how you feel?
What if you'd chosen me instead? What if you knew this was true?
What if you'd kissed me and held my hand? I'd be falling in love with you.
What if I thought you were so much more, better than all the rest?
Seems no matter what I do, I'm always second best.

Together

I know It's hard to feel secure,

When not all facts are known,

Of so few things I feel I'm sure,

But at least one truth, I own.

I cannot know what lies ahead,

Nor where our feet will land.

That's not important in my head,

If there I hold your hand.

I know my love for you is sound,

Unto your will I yield,

Endeavouring to remove all hurt around,

I try to be your shield.

This truth I know, is not alone,

There's many truths in me.

The truth of my heart is certainly known.

And our future's possibility.

I dream for you, with me, together,

Don't hope, just know it's right.

These dreams don't always last forever,

But together it just might.

Foolish Love

I wanted to write a speed poem, so ok, here goes. I'm timing myself to see how long it takes too.

I wish I had told you, I'm desperate to hold you.
Nothing is alright, I need you tonight.
Drowned in regret, I wish to forget,
All of this guilt, after everything we built.

Is it over for sure? Is there anything more?
More than this pain? Could you trust me again?
Bittersweet songs, remind me of wrongs.
I choose to keep hope, give me enough rope.

I know it's hard, I'm here every yard,
If you say no, quietly I'll go.
I miss your face, your wonderful grace,
I know you agree you could still love me.

I hear your choice, your sweet soft voice,
Telling me 'Yes'. No longer a mess.
I emerge with pride, together we stride.
With hidden contempt, one final attempt.

Who knows how, a new beginning is now.
If this is the start, never ever apart,
For all of my days, in all of these ways,
I'll love you forever, or to the end of my tether.

How was that for 23 minutes work? Not directly relevent to my life (this time) but I still put a lot into it.

Love Me

Love me when I least deserve, that's when I really need.

Love me when I'm falling apart, before I start to bleed.

Love me when I'm all alone and I crave you by my side.

Love me when I fail you, you know how much I tried.

Love me when I'm vulnerable, you make me feel secure.

Love me when in sorrow. We'll get through, we'll endure.

Love me when I'm happy, it's you that lifts my soul.

Love me when chaos surrounds, I'll bring you some control.

Love me when in doubt, trust in Love you know.

Love me when so far away, to the end of the earth I'd go.

Love me when you're lost, let your heart lead you through.

Love me when in agony, let me bandage you.

Love me every single day, and every single night.

Love me for no other reason than to hold my hand tonight.

Love me because you want to, we're better off than alone.

Love me for the future; for Love, a life, a home.

Love me through the darkest days, life's easier when together.

Love me because I'll love you back. Unconditional and forever.

Desperation

Why did you have to push me away?

Why didn't you let me come and stay?

I went through hell more than ever before.

I felt so alone, I'd never needed you more.

You told me nothing but expected me to know.

You shut me out, I had nowhere to go.

My life was a mess and you dragged me under.

I let go; I felt free and relieved to surrender.

But it didn't take much and my heart broke tonight.

Before I could run and before I could fight.

If you'd only reached out, I'd have come.

I ask myself again; What have I done?

I wasn't even close to being strong enough.

My pathetic heart never had it so rough.

Nothing to grasp, nothing left for me at all.

In desperation, one last hope, I tried to call.

Then when I thought you were mad at me,

It was easy to for me to leave, you see.

Now finding your heart to be empty and hollow,

Brings me to tears and drowns me in sorrow.

Darkest days

Embrace every morsel of love you receive,

Survive in the darkness of lonely days.

Endure through it all and always believe,

Happiness lies just beyond the haze.

When all we had hoped and had dreamed is lost,

What's left of me is but an empty shell.

I could not comprehend how much losing you'd cost,

My broken heart can't bare this brutal hell.

In the hours of night that I dream, I never want to wake.

Asleep, I forget what I've lost, my pain numbs.

As the truth set's in, I want to scream; 'For fuck's sake!',

I relapse and to tears my will succumbs.

On the surface I'm calm, I remain in control,

I smile, I seem normal, I move along.

Underneath, the chaos goes deep into my soul,

Every moment, in agony, feels so wrong.

If only you knew, or maybe it wouldn't matter,

Please help me get out of this wreck, I've tried.

I want you, I need you, it feels more like the latter,

It's down to you or to time, only you can decide.

I said I wasn't going anywhere, I feel like I lied,

But I know I'll never fully let go.

If you need me then call, my life set aside,

I'll be there. This I want you to know.

On My Mind

I'm thinking about you a lot lately,

It makes me ever so happy,

I love you more than words can say,

Or actions could ever display.

Awake here now in the middle of the night,

I write this to you in hopes that it might,

bring a smile to your face and warmth to your heart,

And remind you that soon'll be the day it all starts.

I'm desperately waiting, it approaches fast.

The day we will be together at last.

When the distance between us vanishes,

That day I hope for my last first kiss.

Philosophy of suffering and problems.

In every problem there is an opportunity, in every bit of suffering there is growth, in every negative there is a positive. It doesn't always (and most often doesnt) justify the negative, but if you can learn (I havent, but I believe it's what I need to do) to focus on the small positives and remind yourself of the growth you experience and the opportunities that have arisen, you can get through anything.

If somebody dies, there is opportunity in the family left behind to grow more accepting of death and become stronger for it, there is a space opened in their job, or their home. They can leave inheritance to their family or friends which can make a huge impact on them positively. If they died in an accident, it can cause measures to be put in place to increase the safety of others, if they were murdered, it can lead to somebody who is mentally unstable and dangerous being removed from society. There are so many small positives that can be taken from it.

If you lose a loved one through separation, not death, then you can look back on the relationship and see your mistakes, see how you were influenced, how you ought to be, how you can grow. You can grow in wisdom and understanding of yourself and of others, choosing a better partner next time. There is an opportunity for you to start new relationships, friendships, find new experiences.

In some situations the small good is hard to see, but it's always there, and if it fails to justify the bad that has occurred, then let it at least allow others to realise that there are people in this hopeless situation, and something can be done to either fix it, or help prevent it from happening again.

This tool can be used to allow one to progress positively from a bad experience. In the worst situations, a person needs to reach out for help, and there lies an opportunity for someone to show their morality and help, even if helping consists simply of listening to the person in need.

When you look around you in the world, there is suffering everywhere. You can be a sadist and believe that the world is a hopeless place, or you can recognise that in each and every small good, you or someone else has an opportunity of some kind.

Learning to recognise that opportunity and take something from it, you can make the tiniest difference to the world. The world will never be perfect, but that doesn't mean you should ever stop trying to make it as damn near perfect as you possibly can, within your limited power as an insignificant person, you can save lives, offer hope, make people happy, and live satisfied that you are a good person.

The Meaning

Saying 'I Love You' is my attempt to remind you that I long for a future with you, for your happiness, for you. That I am filled with a feeling of desire and attraction towards you. You are my first priority and my most important long term goal. Having you in my life makes me happy and I hope that the same is true for you.

I offer this Love freely, with hope rather than expectation for your feelings in return. I understand that you are free to love me but also to withdraw from it and go your own way. I wish you to be free to be yourself and to do what you want to do.

I do not hold onto expectations of how our future will pan out, it is but a hope. By declaring that I Love You, I am not declaring that I have ownership or control over you or that you are in any way obligated to remain by my side. Instead, I wish that you accept my Love and do with it as you desire.

It is in Loving you, exactly as you are now and not wishing or hoping for what you will become in the future, that I offer myself to you. I do, however, support your desire for growth and understand change, accepting that change is both inevitable and unknown.

I respect your right to have your own feelings, opinions and desires and respect your need to make your own decisions and learn your own lessons. I will be here to be called upon if and when you need me and will not arbitrarily impose my own terms on your decisions.

I seek to understand my own emotions and feelings and to communicate them to you as best I can with humility. I will seek to be open and honest about just about everything.

I accept a responsibility to you to be reliable and strong in the face of difficulties. I have a responsibility to remain consistently reliable and to make efforts to improve your life now, and your future.

My ultimate priority in this life is that you be happy. If you'd be happier without me, you are welcome to leave and find your happiness elsewhere. If you achieve this I will be glad for you.

I appreciate that we are two separate people, choosing perhaps to walk hand-in-hand for this time and I enjoy the moments we share together. We will always be two separate people but in saying 'I Love You' I am attempting to narrow the gap between us.

No other three words do I mean so truly, so deeply, so powerfully. When I say 'I Love You' I mean to reinforce and remind you of everything we have that is so very special to me. This feeling won't ever disappear. It can become dormant or shift into another form of love, but it wont leave.

The words 'I Love You' are the everyday reminder of my loyalty to you and are my promise to uphold the values set by those words. They are a promise that my feelings for you match what is described above and more. They are a reminder of the many ways in which I strive for perfection for you. You are everything to me.

I Love You

Not Afraid

I'm not afraid of who might see,

Who might know, or who'll judge me.

I'm not in control of what goes on inside,

This feeling is now much too potent to hide.

A long time unsure, so full of denial,

Not willing to accept what I'd known for a while.

What could have been more, if we'd met differently,

Just why can't it be how we want it to be?

There's challenges to face, and not much is known,

We can fight on each day, not ever alone.

Whatever happens now, I'll never regret,

It's not perfect by far but it's yours and mine yet.

There's room to grow, and each other to learn,

A lifetime of love and happiness to earn.

Trust in me now, this is only the start,

Come what may, I'll never break your heart.

I Want To Be With You

"I want to be with you."

That small sentence alone doesn't even begin to do justice to the meaning that can be put behind it when somebody tells you, with every piece of their heart, that they want to be with you. It means more than a desire for your presence, but also that they want to hold you in their arms tonight, kiss your lips right now, stroke your hair and feel your presence as you lie there in the wondrous feeling. Wanting to feel your skin against theirs, your breath on their neck, your hands in theirs. Wanting to be your partner for life. It can say that they crave being with you, but not only that, they long to spend days with you, months, years, a lifetime. To spend days going for long walks on the beach, in the forest, through the city, everywhere, anywhere. Wanting to waste mornings away, just lying in bed, watching movies or cuddling up together, keeping each other warm. To spend evenings going for romantic dinners with you or enjoying quiet nights in, making love to you, going on wild nights out and having hot passionate sex. Wanting to get home from stressful hard days working and have you there. Just being there would make everything so much better. Wanting to be there when you need them, when you're down, comfort you, work with you through everything. Wanting so much to share the times when you are on top of the world, when you'd both just want to shout and scream to the world about how much Love you feel. Wanting to see the days when everything just seems to feel right, like everything is in place, how it should be, and feel the most secure and comfortable its possible to feel. Having the desire to take care of you when you're sick, miss you when you're away, calm you when you're stressed. To to see the world with you, ride the fastest roller coasters and river rapids with you, lie out on the beaches everywhere and anywhere with you. Reaching the ultimate in Love for you, which can grow with time from this point forever. To marry you. To have children with you, love them, look after them, keep them safe and teach them what you can. Wanting to have your own house with a garden, your own life, your own family. Wanting to get to know you in the most intimate detail, and Love you for everything you are. Wishing you to be their past, present and future, their life, their objective; an end in yourself. Wanting to be with you in every single way, with every single piece of their being, physically, mentally, emotionally, and more. If somebody tells you they Love You, and want to be with you, don't ever underestimate what that might mean.

Transition

Low hopes from the start, yet still disappointed,

I can't wait to just go home.

I don't understand, there was nothing I wanted,

Yet broken, rejected, alone.

Hoping the world would swallow me up,

Feeling so empty right here.

I try to know why, how I fell, so abrupt.

I wait for hope to appear.

Whenever I'm low, I know what will help;

To talk to the friends I need.

Deeply I think, and I ponder myself,

"I'm not who I'm trying to be."

That realisation is far from minute,

How can I be who I'm not?

I'll kill off this problem, right at its root,

And release all the fears that I've got.

How high can I jump? How far can I run?

How long will this energy last?

Until I'm all spent, I will not be done,

And the pain in my heart, it dies fast.

My legs are on fire, my heard beating madly,

My body is aching throughout.

Fighting the pain that I needed so badly,

I've had too much to think about.

I stop to recharge, and think for some time,

Nobody at all knows where I am.

I see my mistakes and I know how I might

Do more for myself when I can.

I know what I want, no reason to deny,

Each time that I do, I see,

I don't know why I live in this lie,

I want to be me, to be free.

On top of the world, inside so strong,

Only challenge is time and space.

All I could want, was mine all along,

In patience it'll fall into place.

I'm so damn in Love, I'm in such good health,

I have no reason at all to cry.

I've only to wait, I have spiritual wealth,

Why want any more than what's mine?

Shinedown

I've created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain,

Somehow I'm still here to explain.

Staring down the barrel of a .45,

Swimming through the ashes of another life.

There is no real reason to accept the way that things have changed,

Someone save me if you will,

And take away all these pills,

And please just save me if you can,

From my blasphemy, and my wasteland.

What ever happened to the young man's heart.

Swallowed in pain as he fell apart.

If you only knew

I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I lose you.

The only thing that I still believe in is you.

If you only knew.

I never thought you'd slip away,

I guess I was just a little too late.

I've done the best I can.

To make you realise, this is my life,

I hope you understand.

I'm not angry, I'm just saying,

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.

I don't wanna live, to waste another day,

Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made.

I don't wanna fall, and say I lost it all,

Maybe there's a part of me that hit the wall.

Oh, take your time, don't move too fast,

Trouble will come, and it will pass.

Oh, don't you worry, you'll find yourself,

Follow your heart, and nothing else.

Be a simple kind of man,

Be something you love and understand.

Coping

My Love, I want you here by my side, the distance makes it hard to cope.

I long for a day I can call you my own, some day I wish we'd elope.

I'd do any thing and take any risk, to have you right here at my side,

To wait any time, to meet any task, for you I would do it with pride.

This emotional void becomes harder to hide, no intimate touch for the time.

Above what I feel I must know where I stand, I wonder when you could be mine.

Potatoes

I thought I'd never lose my deepest of fears,

Be unable to love for all of my years.

My feelings scared me right down to the bone,

Through denial I knew I'd be safer alone.

For months I denied, and inside I cried,

When asked how I felt, I had always lied.

My life had no meaning, lacking direction,

Just hoping one day I'd find some affection.

I knew it was right from the day that we met,

So easy, so fluent, so hard to forget.

You're silly, you're weird, you're totally mad,

It's part of your spark, and for that I'm glad.

We just seem to fit, and I cannot explain,

My fears overcome, it's hard to refrain,

From shouting and screaming all that I feel,

Fantasy now becomes more and more real.

I'm no longer scared, I love what you are,

I'll do what it takes, no matter how far.

You're so random, cute, funny and true,

But remember, potatoes are random too.

Moving on

Sometimes it's hard to pick yourself up once again,
To ignore all the failure, all the loss, but then,
It's only a matter of time, before I must find,
Something more real than can exist in my mind.

If only it was that simple, if only it was,
My head remains high and I keep on because,
Although right now it seems so far to go,
There's hope, there's belief, there's something I know.

I know I can find someone who's like me,
A good person at heart and wants to be free.
Wherever they are, I'm waiting, I'm here,
I'm ready when they are, whenever they appear.

For now, live it up, tonight let's go,
No holding back, no moving slow.
Take what I want and live how I may,
Be who I am, I've no trust to betray.

Alone

My phone sits in silence, I do not exist,
Invisible to the world, I'm shrouded in mist,
I push on forward and seek to discover,
An objective, a goal- to fight for another.

This other I seek, seems less real by the day,
Something invented, imagined to portray,
Some ideology which I can't find.
No, there is only one on my mind.

Irrational mind, I can never suppress,
I fade from whats real to cease the distress,
I wish you were here. I hope you appear,
To whisper the words of my dreams in my ear.

Thinking of a life without you, I die,
My insides turn over at the thought, I could cry,
If I told you my secret, the risk is too great,
I could lose you forever, or succumb to some fate.

Thoughts on Perception

Sight is a fallacy as explained in 'Visibility' but our other senses are just as bad if not worse. We can feel so much but none of it gives us a real indication of any real property or attribute to it. If something feels hot all that tells us is that it has particles vibrating a lot. If something feels hard, all that tells us is that it has a rigid structure. We can't actually touch anything since all we 'touch' is the energy it expels and judge what an object is based on that. Our sense of touch enables us to learn and avoid danger in an evolutionary way but is useless for determining what an object really is.

Similarly smells and tastes are just chemical reactions that help us to survive at a primeval level but are useless now. Hearing is just determining differing vibrations and guessing the source and meaning based on the direction they came from. None of our senses tell us of the reality of anything, they are simply evolutionary survival tools. Our only real method of education is our brain which is developed enough to use reason, logic, philosophy, consideration and opens an unlimited array of possibilities.

Thoughts on Nothing

When people say that 'nothing can come from nothing' or 'you can't get something from nothing' I would argue differently. Not because I believe that just anything can come from nothing, but that instead they aren't at wars with each other. Just like how I explained that sight is perception of the difference between nothing and something, the 'something' couldn't exist without 'nothing' to surround it.

Try to imagine an object with no outline. The only way an object can have no visual outline is if it is invisible. The only way for an object to have no touchable outline is for it to be untouchable. The only way for an object to have no outline in any way is by that object being non existent. The significance of this is that 'nothing' is necessary for there to be 'something'. You can't see without contrast, you can't perceive in any way (even in theory) unless you have a contrast. What is life without death (or the absence of life)? What is existence without non-existence? The answer - nothing.

Everything must have a 'nothing' counterpart for it to exist or interact in the world in any way. For example, there are two categories: 'my mobile phone' and 'not my mobile phone'. Only one object is my mobile phone and every other object isn't. So there are an infinite number of negative existences for every positive existence, or in other words, every thing is nothing and 'nothing' is everything.

Coming back to my original point, when people say that 'nothing comes from nothing' and 'you can't get something from nothing', they are just plain wrong. Everything comes from nothing. They could even be seen as paradoxical statements because nothingness and somethingness are two sides of the same coin. Either they came into existence at the same time, or 'nothing' came into existence first because somethingness can't exist on it's own.